Chapter 18

Hmm, hmm~ I see?

Amazing! I’ve finally remembered everything, Eichi!

You tend to hide the truth from the Princess and others alike, but you always come to me with your every thought, crying “Listen! Listen!” like a spoiled child to his parents.

……

I knew the truth about SACNTUARY beforehand. The concept, your vision, spilled forth from your very lips—How considerate of you.

You act like this has nothing to do with you.

Forgive me! It seems I have not yet consolidated my present self with that of the five-year-old who had lost his memories!

Did you know? This is something that happened quite often in the past! I’d become so absorbed with my performance that I could no longer return to my true self.

You can’t help that. Our personalities are not as unwavering as they’re portrayed in stories. The me of yesterday and the me of today are not one and the same.

That which we call a personality is simply an accumulation of episodic memories—of stories. It is no more than the latest page in a book of those stories.

By altering and influencing that story, so too can a person manipulate it.

Fufufu ♪ You speak as though you’ve returned to those sad, nostalgic days of the War, Eichi!

Or perhaps not—I had little contact with you back then; I’m merely speaking from my imagination!

You’re supposed to be the greatest showman; how can your interpretations be so completely off the mark?

…I thought that you had finally lost interest in me as a character in your play.

Up to now, you’ve given me your attention because I make strange or unexpected moves.

But I thought you’d finally run out of patience and given up on me.

Because I’m doing the same thing all over again. I’m taking advantage of Tori’s love for me and using him, deceiving him, just like I did with Tsumugi back then.

Never revealing my true motives, always displaying only the beautiful sides of myself… They give me validation and admiration, and I devour them completely, as nourishment for my soul.

They gave me affirmation—That it’s okay to do whatever I want because I’m in the right.

They’ve been encouraging me under that false pretense. But I’m just toying with people’s hearts, clinging to the excuse that it’s for the sake of my ideals.

If I can’t even take a step forward without someone else’s validation, why shouldn’t I just cower in place?

Why shouldn’t I just lie on my sickbed and dream of those ideals?

I’m trying to change the world for my own whims and desires. And in doing that, I repeat countless lies, impose tyranny, hurt people.

I keep destroying everything, all while dressing up my conquest in the glorious name of revolution.

……

Why are you making that face?

No, I was just thinking that you’re rather similar to Tomoya-kun—Why do you both have such low self-esteem?

Though I suppose there’s no helping it, as there’s a superhuman such as myself right next to you!

If you compare yourself to me, it’s only natural to think yourself inferior!

However, it appears you two don’t know your own worth.

Oh, how I long for the skill to show what alluring and interesting characters you are, so much that anyone could come to understand you!

Could this be because I’m always wearing a mask, spouting lies, reciting from scripts that others have written?

What shame, that people don’t believe me when I reveal my true feelings!

What do you mean…?

See? I’m utterly incomprehensible! It is so very difficult to express one’s feelings to another! Although I would imagine you two have trouble on the receiving end, as well!

You both get so blinded by your thoughts that you haven’t noticed the bluebird right before your eyes! Oh, but it is that foolishness which I hold so dear!

…?

Eichi. I believe you are mistaken. You thought the reason I left your side for a time was because I had come to dislike you.

When you put it like that, it sounds awfully simple. As if I were shocked to discover the person I love actually hated me in return—

Is that really the truth? Without caring about anyone’s feelings, you have built the idol manufacturing plant, ES, and its idol plantation, SANCTUARY.

You have made a contract with Gatekeeper, who is in many aspects a villain, and you used that contract to questionable means.

He abused the orders system, fully aware it would hurt other idols.

And you overlooked that, allowed it to happen. You didn’t revoke the weapon because you would wield it, yourself.

……

But! You would do whatever it takes to achieve your goals—You are even prepared to die for your cause!

Any normal person would hesitate, come to full stop, but not you, no; you buckle down and go even faster, leading a valiant charge!

It is precisely because you are so utterly deranged that I take such interest in you—Eichi ♪

When you say I’m deranged, I can only think that you’re actually just calling me normal.

Amazing! How pedantic of you! And how amusing, too—When you think about it concretely, the bottom of the bottom is the top! Ahahahahaha ☆

—However. Just as the underside of justice is simply another face of justice, so too are the many faces of insanity. Nowhere is there normalcy to be found.

O insanity, that which we call common sense! If you were to change your perspective ever so slightly, you would see that so much of what we take for granted as such common sense or respectable morality is nothing more than absurd convention with no basis in reality!

In Wonderland, a normal girl such as Alice is the one viewed as strange!

And it is because she is such a person who does not conform to her surroundings, a girl who operates on her own values and beliefs, that she can become a character worthy of attention—a main character!

That is what you have always been to me, Eichi.

……