89: Grace

“♪ ~ ♪ ~ ♪”

(Yikes! Scary scary scary! The song isn’t even that long, but there’s still so many scary parts!)

(This is the part where I was off-pitch during lessons, and here’s where I got the choreography wrong—)

(I spent so much time struggling to overcome all my weak points, and I was able to give a performance I was satisfied with like, one time out of ten…)

(But there’s so much to worry about! It really just feels like I'm walking on a tightrope!)

(It’s just one thing after another, just whizzing by all at once!)

(If I’m not careful I’m totally gonna fall apart! How do idols pull this kinda difficult stuff off so perfectly every time?)

(Amazing. Idols really are amazing…)

(There’s probably been some fundamental difference between me and them since the time we were born. A special talent given to them by god, or something.)

“~… ♪”

(I mean, c’mon. Even Mayo-san, who was acting so weird before the performance, is doing everything perfectly, just like he showed us during lessons.)

(He never makes mistakes, and his singing voice and movements have this polish to them.)

(I almost can’t believe they’re calling him an underachiever.)

(At least the fans don’t know who Mayo-san is usually—The audience in this venue will never think of him that way.)

“~ ♪ ~ ♪ ~”

(And seriously, hats off to Tattsun-senpai! It’s so obvious we’re on totally different levels!)

(We took lessons together, so I know how many really high-level things he can pull off, all while keeping up appearances!)

(He’s fulfilling his role perfectly and he’s supporting me and Hiro-kun, who are still unstable.)

(At the same time, he’s working in harmony with Mayo-san without overshadowing his personal flair—And that’s just boosting his appeal.)

(Tattsun-senpai said it was his first time on stage as a unit but—but that’s gotta be a lie, right? It’s not even just that he can do it, it’s that he can do it so well!)

(Just having him here is tightening us up! With him guiding us, of course we’re all able to shine far past our limits!)

(So if Hiro-kun’s our leader, Mayo-san’s our coach during lessons…)

(Then on stage, Tattsun-senpai is our ruler.)

(Guiding us, influencing us, pushing us forward to the point that even I look like a great idol!)

(Ahh, senpai—Kazehaya Tatsumi, I never knew you were this kind of idol.)

(I’ve watched so many videos of you back when you were a top idol, but now that I’m standing on stage with you, I finally get it.)

(Senpai, you really are an amazing idol…)

(I could say a hundred—no, two hundred great things about you, and that number is increasing every second—It’s just that I was looking through a peephole and couldn’t see them ‘til now.)

(I’ve always loved idols like crazy…)

(There’s never been a time in my life when I wasn’t thinking about them or watching them.)

(And yet, I never even noticed… I’m like an ugly duckling who got lost in a flock of swans and ended up thinking he was a swan, too.)

“~… ♪”

(—Hiro-kun’s really keeping up with our senpais.)

(He’s still a little awkward in some places, but he’s completely focused, like an animal hunting down its prey… He’s really giving it his all.)

(We barely had enough time to give him lessons this past week.)

(He only had basic dance practice, so everything he learned about singing was just hastily thrown together.)

(But he’s still singing better than me.)

(It’s so frustrating…)

(I finally get it. The only underachiever in ALKALOID—is me. Tattsun-senpai, Mayo-san, Hiro-kun, they’re all amazing.)

(I’m the only one who isn’t.)

(I’m the one holding everyone back… If ALKALOID gets laid off, it’ll be my own fault.)

…Aira? What’s wrong? You look pale.

I’m fine… We can’t afford to talk in between our performance. We’ve gotta focus.

Yes, I know. As Makoto-senpai from Trickstar said before the show, relax and have fun.

We’ll have that leeway once we’ve grown enough to entertain the people who came to see us, and such.

But I just don’t have the ability to think that far right now.

(From where I’m standing, he has plenty of ability. But Hiro-kun is pretty desperate too, even though I only know a fraction of the baggage he’s carrying.)

(He’ll be fine, I’m sure of it. Unlike me, he has real talent.)

(That’s why… at least, for all future idols like that…)

(For those idol eggs who in the future will entertain, captivate, and heal people like me…)

(I’ll do my best, with all I’ve got, to protect them to the very end!)

(Look at me! Even an ugly duckling has wings to fly! Even if they’re awkward and misshapen…!)

“♪ ~ ♪ ~ ♪”

(Hm. I’m a little worried about Aira-san’s condition. Maybe it’s due to his long string of misfortune, but he tends to go out of his way to paint himself in a contemptuous light.)

(Yes. We must take care and watch over him. Not that I have any room to speak, but… We are more or less his senpais.)

(Indeed. Right now, it seems those children can only see themselves and the one closest to them—each other.)

(If we can give them some room to breathe, then surely we can give them some relief.)

(If they get the chance to just glance around… Look, you can see Madara-san and Leo-san in the staff seats.)

(Everyone from Ra*bits are with them, and many others from Starmony Hall whom we met during our part-time jobs—)

(It’s likely because they wanted to see the show because they know someone performing and it’s piqued their interest, but they still came to see us.)

(And there are not only idols here, but there are many ordinary people whom I met for a brief moment while handing out fliers.)

(So many familiar faces—)

(These are the assets that we accumulated by following the straight and narrow, through our own diligence and earnest effort, and by forming bonds with the people around us.)

(It is a precious gift from God, one which the likes of Crazy:B, who only threaten and hurt those around them, could never obtain.)

(Aira-san. You who loves idols, who wants to be an idol, who has diligently accumulated skill—I’m sure you have gained more irreplaceable things anyone else.)

(How saddening, that you don’t seem to realize it yourself—so I shall show you bit by bit. This will also be my atonement for having hurt and trampled over people.)

(Saving one person does not absolve me of my sins, but at least I will not make the same mistakes again.)

O God, please guide us. Please usher in these pure and righteous children to the Kingdom of Heaven.)

“♪ ~ ♪ ~ ♪”