84: Nervous

My, this week sure has flown by. In the blink of an eye, it’s already the day of Bon Festival.

For me it’s like a homecoming, but this is our first performance ever as ALKALOID—

No matter the outcome, we should accept it as our destiny.

We mustn’t get our hopes up too high or be too optimistic, but don’t allow yourselves be paralyzed by anxiety, either.

Let’s just do our best and give it our all, and leave the rest in God’s hands.

Together with everyone, we’ll realize the dreams we’ve envisioned up to now—and become idols.

……

This is bad! Mayoi-senpai isn’t breathing!

Oh my. The dark clouds are already rolling in. Ha ha ha ♪

Th–th–this isn’t a laughing matter! Wait a sec, that’s the first time I’ve ever seen Tattsun-senpai laugh out loud—That was priceless!

You okay there, Mayo-san? You alive?

…Gh–gaah, I’m so—I’m sorry, I’m sorry for being alive.

Oh, jeez… And you were so scary during lessons too, like some kinda demon.

I guess Mayo-san is still Mayo-san. Don’t get sick and collapse again, okay?

Eek—I’ll be carefuuul… I don’t want to be tormented by my own helplessness ever again.

But I’m not good at being in front of people, which is a fatal flaw for idols. This is why I’m an underachiever.

Ahah, so that’s why you kept getting all out of sorts during our part-time jobs.

You weren’t able to shine while doing things like handing out fliers amongst a crowd, were you?

If that was the case, I wish you would’ve told us sooner… Y’know, it’s ‘cause you don’t say these things that you come off as such a shady guy.

Ngh, I’m sorry for being a shady guy who doesn’t talk to people…

For someone like me to want to associate with the sparkling world of idols—What a ridiculous notion!

Not at all. Under God, all are equal. Surely there is no rule that states that introverted people cannot become idols.

In fact, this isn’t uncommon for female idols… They’re often said to have been reclusive before seeking stardom…

Ngh, Tatsumi-san, your words always save me… May I worship you?

No, please don’t. It’s often misunderstood, but clergymen are mere bridges between man and God… I’d find it a little bewildering if I were to be worshipped.

Perhaps we could pray together instead? If it would make you feel at ease, I’d get on my knees and pray for you, Mayoi-san.

Th–thank you.

Ahhh, but really—I’m so shameful.

I–I was suddenly overcome with the awareness that I would soon be standing on stage…

I’m embarrassed to say that my mind blanked—I even forgot how I’ve been able to breathe up to now.

Hmm, then let me give you an example. You did the same for me during our lessons, so I shall show you how to breathe now—In, out, in, out ♪

I–in, out… Hic—I understand Tatsumi-san since he has experience, but why are you so calm, Hiiro-san? It’s not that I’m particularly jealous; you’re just so reliable!

Yeah… But it’s more likely that he’s such an amateur that he doesn’t even get stage fright.

Yes, that’s how I feel. But truly, there is no point in being afraid.

And also, we all worked as hard as we could to make today’s performance a success. I do not know what the future holds, but I do know what the past holds.

As long we have that past, I have no reason to be nervous.

Let us adopt the mindset of a soldier on the battlefield—training is real combat, and real combat is training.

Fufu. ALKALOID is based around playing cards, but it does also appear to have motifs pertaining to soldiers.

I’m not sure who decided on that, but it’s the feeling I get from our costume design and the melody of our song.

So I think it’s fine to think of ourselves as soldiers.

Idols are those who meet others’ expectations, after all.

Nghh… If possible I’d rather not show anyone anything, but I guess I can’t really say anything…

If I were to show people the real me, they would certainly despise it.

So for now, I’m not the disgusting, foolish Ayase Mayoi, but rather just one member of ALKALOID.

By putting on the uniform that erases my individuality and personality, I feel as though I’ll be able to abandon my hesitation and shame and stand proudly on the stage.

I’m a soldier… I’m a soldier… I’m a soldier…

Fufu, now he’s trying to will it into existence. But I’m a little relieved that I’m not the only one who’s scared, or who’s having their doubts—

My knees are shaking, I was so nervous I could barely sleep, and I’m not all put together, so just standing around here quietly is making me feel like I’m gonna cry.

So I’m glad I’m not the only one. This is what it’s like to form a unit, huh?

Yes. We’ll support you, Aira-san, and everyone else too, so please catch us if we make any mistakes, too.

Let us continue to support one another, supplement one another, and love one another as we go forward.

We’ll keep marching on. If the four of us work together, we will be able to escape any pitfall, no matter how deep. Those who believe shall be saved, Amen ♪

Nngh. I think I actually understand a little bit why you wanna put your trust in God.