Chapter 1
In a chalk white manor settled deep within the woods—
Five butlers tend to their young mistress.
“My lady, today is your seventh birthday.”
“We’ve also prepared for you a letter from your parents… ♪”
“You’d like to read it? Fufufu, well, that will have to wait until supper.”
“I’m sure you can fill that time by finishing all of your arithmetic problems ♪”
“Midi, don’t go flaunting the letter around in front of the miss like that.”
“Didn’t I say it was a special treat we set aside for her evening birthday celebration? It’s rude to try and use it as an incentive to get her to study.”
“Oh, house steward, Sir. I do beg your pardon… ♪”
“I hope you’ll forgive my lack of manners, Sir.”
“Just don’t do it again. There’s only five of us here, so I don’t want us getting in a fight over something trivial.”
“Anyway, we don’t have enough manpower for the preparations. I’ll take care of the miss, so how about you go give Soiree a hand?”
“Understood. I don’t exactly prefer to work with that straight-laced man, but it may be something that can draw out my skills.”
“Sure. I’m counting on you, Midi.”
“Now, Miss. Once you’ve finished your studies, allow me to assist you in geting dressed.”
“Let’s make your birthday celebration today the most extravagant one yet… ♪”
However, in the dead of night—
Those same butlers become the blades which protect their mistress.
“Nothing out of the ordinary on today’s patrols…”
“No—Something’s wrong. I saw someone outside the window…?”
“House steward, I’ve spotted a figure outside the window. Shall I respond immediately?”
“Wait. It could be a trap…”
“Chief of tactics. What do you think?”
“Well like I’ve said plenty of times before, that isn’t my name.”
“But umm… Looks like a diversion. The main force will probably break in through the rear.”
“They’re too heavily equipped for someone targeting the miss alone. It’s as if they’ve just returned from the battlefield.”
“You sure about that, ‘Chief?’ If you mess up here, it’ll cost you the miss’s life.”
“Have you been here this whole time, Matin…?!”
“Of course. Anyone could sense this disturbance. Backup should be on the way, too.”
“Wait, I said my name isn’t Chief! I was given an honorable name with a long history: Nuit—!”
“Yeah, whatever. I’m the assistant house steward, and you’re chief of tactics. We who stalk the night don’t need any kind of fancy name.”
“But Matin—”
“Let’s not fight. The proper execution of this operation should take priority.”
“Thou art unusually serious about this, Midi—Didst thou eat something strange?”
“I’m always serious. It’s just that people are misled by my effortless sexiness… ♪”
“Hmph. I know not what is so ‘sexy’ of thee.”
“Guys, calm down. We’ve got an emergency on our hands right now, so can’t we just work together here?”
“We need to protect the miss, even at the cost of our lives. That’s our duty as butlers.”
“Chief of tactics: how should we manage this situation?”
“Right…”
“Soiree and Midi will eliminate the decoy out back. Matin and I will fight off the main force stationed at the back door. We’ve been fighting in pairs up until now, after all.”
“As if there’s any other option. No need for the house steward to help us with this, is there?”
“Got it. If that’s what we’re going with, then get in position. Let’s turn the tables on those scoundrels!”
“As you wish.”
“Hmph. It seems they approach without delay—but with such heavy equipment as that, it be as though they wish for us to defeat them.”
“Hah!”
“Fufu, what a fine kick. Very sexy of you, I’d say.”
“Now then, I’ll welcome our guests with this throwing knife ♪”
They’re coming this way too, Matin!”
“Yikes! Gyeh—”
“What’re you stumbling around for? Have you been thinking so hard about strategy that you forgot how to actually fight?”
“Eat this! Hahh…!”
…Fufu, looking at it now, I think the scene we just finished looks great.
Ay. Nito-dono is in the midst of filming another scene, but I should like him to watch it as well.
Fufu, and how was HiMERU’s performance?
I still know not what “sexy” means.
Nevertheless, Himeru-dono—I would say it is perfectly suitable for an unusual character as thyself.
Hm. It’s quite frustrating to be referred to as an unusual character. In any case, perhaps it’s the result of your practice, Kanzaki-san, but you were able to pronounce “sexy” correctly.
Ay, I needed be conscious of it lest I slip up, but I was able to gloss o’er it.
……
What do you think, Izumi-san?
…Sorry, we can’t use this.
Huh?! What, is there something you didn’t like about it?
Yeah. Just about everything felt so out of place—I doubt you’d get it, Yuu-kun.
Howe’er, we must not overwork ourselves. This recording contained a lot of “action scenes”—Should we push ourselves too hard, the whole work will suffer. To redo the scene would—
Can you really live with that? Are you seriously okay with showing our fans something less than perfect?
Hang on. It may be a far cry from the standard of perfection you’re looking for, Izumi-san.
But the shoot went off without a hitch, and the director gave us the okay too. I think you’re just overthinking things.
Maybe it’s ‘cause you’re not used to filming dramas and movies, Izumi-san, but you just have to trust everyone on the staff and focus on acting ♪
We all did really good, so just relax, okay…? ♪
…Excuse me?! Just what part of that was “really good” anyway? I certainly don’t see it!
No matter how you look at it, we didn’t practice enough for this. It looks like we’re putting on some school play or something! This so-called “action” is weak and flimsy—and you’re really gonna stand here and tell me it’s good?
…Shut up; quit splitting hairs.
Excuse me?
Are you deaf? HiMERU told you to shut up. If HiMERU is a worker bee buzzing around, then are you nothing more than a useless fly?
Who are you calling a fly…?
(Eep…! Izumi-san and HiMERU-kun have completely set each other off!)
(How did things even end up like this? I thought they made up with each other…!)